look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
