So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
