you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
