my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize