In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
