it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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