i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
