Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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