Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
