I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We need to get me chipped asap
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
