Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
