the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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