You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
too bad you live with your parents still
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
