you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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