just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
