my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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