True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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