Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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