Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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