If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
too bad you live with your parents still
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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