Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
