i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
