It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
