I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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