i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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