There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
