You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
