I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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