I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
