grandma shit on top of the toilet
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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