just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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