Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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