We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
