my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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