Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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