I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize