garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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