I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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