epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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