as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
