ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
