I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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