woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
