It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
