My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
