his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
