She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
