I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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