You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
