Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize