If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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