Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
