I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
