I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
