Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
