You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
