erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
