This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
