Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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