Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
