I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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