I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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