if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
