Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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