turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
