you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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