oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
