Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
