I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
