the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just pee around me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
