Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Say something about gay babies.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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