How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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