She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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