Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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