I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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